Tending the Wear and Tear

Some have asked me when my season is over. Some might think that I would be through trips by the end of August. As soon as Labor Day comes I pack up the gear, put things away, and look forward to being home with the family for the next nine months. Happily, that is not the case (not happily for my family; I’d like to think that they enjoy seeing me and would like to see me), because it means that I am still traveling and taking time to be in the wilderness and to take others in the wilderness. I’m not done yet even as the days start to get a little shorter and the temperatures a little colder.

            But, come the Fall, the intensity of trips slows down a bit and I am finding myself at home a bit more. This means it is a good time for me to clean and take care of my gear.

            Hopefully I don’t have to say why it is important to take care of one’s gear. Hiking and backpacking equipment is expensive and is meant to last a long time. It also goes through a lot of wear and tear in the field, is beaten up, pushed, and a lot is demanded of one’s tents, sleeping bags, boots, and clothing. To make sure my gear can last a long time, I need to take time to tend and care for it. I put my sleeping bag(s) through the wash and check the zippers for wear and tear. I clean my tents and tarps with a solar wash and apply waterproofing. I clean my rain gear, my shoes, and boots. I check my stoves for clogs and any buildup of grime. I patch holes, sew tears, and send back broken items if there is a warranty. These are not things that I always did with my gear, but now that I am using everything more, I want to make sure that everything is cared for and stored well.

            And yet. And yet I don’t know that I could say that I do the same for myself. I don’t know that I could say that I take time to tend to myself and my relationships. Just as much as time in the wilderness has demands on gear it also takes a toll on me and my relationships. Even as I grow a little older every year, I still expect my body act in a way so that I can climb the mountains and carry the packs. Even though I have been in a committed relationship for almost three decades, I find myself assuming that all will be well and right no matter the extended and prolonged absences. I assume that everything is going to be ok and nothing needs any attention despite the wear and tear that happens to us, to our relationships, and in our lives.  

I need care. My relationships need care.

Going even farther, my faith, my sense of direction, my sense of what I am doing with my life needs care. It is so easy to just get caught in the rhythms of life, to just assume that everything is going to work as it always has without any attention or care. I know what I need to do for my tents and my backpacks. But with my sense of purpose, with my commitments and connections with family and friends, that is a little more challenging to figure out. And, there is not a warranty to turn to when things break.

            It is not easy for me to take care of myself in a way that ensures long-term life enjoyment. This is more than exercise. This is more than a day lounging and watching crap on the internet. It is not easy for me to tend to my relationships. We have habits, patterns, assumptions that begin to be those places of wear and tear but it is easier to not notice and pretend that everything is fine. The reality is that things will be strained and pushed if I am around or if I am away. The reality is that life is a challenge and a joy and will wear me and my relationships down and I need to take care. I need to tend to those near to me and to myself.

It would be great if there was just a spray that I could apply that would make everything like new. It would be great if there was a patch I could apply on those wearing parts of my relationships. But this is not reality. Time. Time is what is needed. A deliberate use of time. A purposeful spending of time with loved ones, with my partner and my children. More than sitting in the same room and looking at our individual screens. Time with difficult and ridiculous conversations. Time laughing and crying. Time listening and sharing. Time going for walks, reading, writing, being creative, and tending to those parts of yourself that are wearing down. Time with a therapist, coach, or really good friend to listen and help you get a sense that you are still on a good path for life.

Time is what is demanded and needed. And we all have it. It is a resource that we are given freely, but not abundantly. I need to give time to those parts of my lives that are essential.

I will find myself in places of challenge where I will lean on my family, my spouse for support and help. I don’t want things to snap and break in those times. I don’t want things to go wrong when I am in the midst of a crisis. So, while I am going to take time to clean and repair my gear, I will also take time to continue to work on my relationships and myself. And this takes time. It takes deliberate time of being present, of listening, reflecting, and sharing. And being vulnerable. I am going to try.

            The truth is that I want to be around for the long haul. I want my relationships with those I love and hold dear to me to be around for a long time. And I want to have a sense of direction over a length of time. When it comes to tending and working on relationships, this is a good of a time as any.