I was entering into a sacred space and a relationship with people who walked the land centuries before I took my first step by being in their space. I wrestled with how to be respectful in that relationship.

Wishes that are left dormant can become regrets, but the ones that are embraced can be the turning point, the hope of a new way of living if they are strived to be embraced.

There was a reality to the struggle that everyone was encountering. We found ourselves individually and collectively thinking and wondering about the basics of survival, of shelter and food. I have been in wilderness situations before. I go into them willingly. Yet never like this.

We are not fully “there.” For some, this can be as uncomfortable as a long car ride, anticipating the end, the destination, and wanting as badly as possible for the journey to be over. Summer is over. Winter is not yet here. And we are stuck on the shoulder waiting to move from one extreme to the other. We are not yet “there.”

Time is what is demanded and needed. And we all have it. It is a resource that we are given freely, but not abundantly.

Every time I take that first step on a new hike it is a little scary, but it is also a little exciting because I am going into a new place; I am exploring!

One year ago, I made the painful decision to change my life, to leave the job that had shaped me, formed me, and was my identity. I made the difficult decision to leave people that I loved and a vocation that I had been dreaming of embracing since I was a child. The change has not been easy. The transition has not been without bumps and pains. And now, one year later, I realize that I am still in the midst of it. I am still working through the change, through the transition. I’m not done. But then again, are we ever?

The wilderness is not what everyone needs, but I know we all need something. My friends, you are all so good and so precious and we need you. Find what you need to do to live and thrive. Find what you can do to help others live and thrive. And please, take care of yourself!

I don’t have a map and I am not sure what the wilderness may have in store for me. The temptation is that I will just follow what others have done before me, just like with AllTrails and other online maps, for the most part they are showing a good way to go and it may be just what I need. But there is much that I might miss.

There is a shame factor that I notice in the hiking and backpacking community. If you see someone hiking in less than the best or most high-tech gear or clothing, there is a level of shame that others project. “How dare you come into the wilderness without the best?!” It is a muttered, not-quite unspoken classist rant that occurs, especially after people need to be rescued. You must have the right kind of gear or you have no reason to be out here. This is a dangerous, shaming, exclusive attitude that I admit I have participated in as well.

One of the things that Bridges recommends is that one stay active in the “neutral zone” – the space between the ending (leaving parish-based ministry) and the beginning (which is something that has yet to emerge). For me, this is the journey I am in right now.

Part of my wilderness is not knowing who I am. Ask me, “who are you,” and I will tell you that I do not know. I do not know who I am.

There is this idea that we need to push ourselves, we need to keep our head down and overcome whatever challenge are before us. And to give up, to leave, to quit, can be seen as a weakness.

I find myself in a place where I have had an amazing summer and am looking forward to another amazing summer but in between I don’t know where I am going and I feel lost and it is scary. This is a different wilderness for me; one that I do not feel qualified or equipped to traverse. This is where I am.

Community is important, especially in the wilderness

For various reasons we all have things that we are afraid of. What is the source of those fears? Are they from past experiences? Are they from what you have heard from others? What are the fears that are getting in the way of you taking chances, doing new and different things, and living?

Knowing when to turn around before reaching your destination is a soft skill.

    We all get afraid in the wilderness. It may be because of imagined fears of monsters or creatures that we create in our minds but in reality, do not exist. Or it may be because of real dangers. We all get afraid in life because of imagined dangers and real dangers. Fear is a part of life and instead of trying to avoid situations, we can focus and adapt how we encounter them.

We all get lost from time to time. In different moments in our lives we realize that we are not where we intended and we don’t know how we got there and have no idea how to get out.